Day Six - Love Is Not Irritable
Today's Dare -
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations from your life.
I was kind of confused by this dare to be honest. But I do know that one of my biggest problems right now is that I am very irritable all the time from my lack of sleep and health problems. Not to say that it is impossible for me to behave myself, its just been really hard lately to not get annoyed or irritable around my spouses family. I gained a lot of insight from this chapter and I am working on being more patient and less irritable.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Day Five
Day Five - Love Is Not Rude
Today's Dare -
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Today in the car ride up to our storage place I decided to talk to my spouse about this one. So I asked him if it would be ok if we talked, he said sure and turned down the radio. I asked him to tell me three things that I do that upset him, or bother him. He said that there was only one big thing and that was that he feels that sometimes I am rude to his family. We talked about it for about 45 min. It was a REALLY good talk. Later on my spouse even commented on how happy he was that that conversation went so well.
Today's Dare -
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Today in the car ride up to our storage place I decided to talk to my spouse about this one. So I asked him if it would be ok if we talked, he said sure and turned down the radio. I asked him to tell me three things that I do that upset him, or bother him. He said that there was only one big thing and that was that he feels that sometimes I am rude to his family. We talked about it for about 45 min. It was a REALLY good talk. Later on my spouse even commented on how happy he was that that conversation went so well.
Day Four
Day Four - Love Is Thoughtful
Today's Dare -
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Today I did this, but he said that he didn't need me to do anything for him. He did say thanks for asking though.
Today's Dare -
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Today I did this, but he said that he didn't need me to do anything for him. He did say thanks for asking though.
Day Three
Day Three - Love Is Not Selfish
Today's Dare -
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today"
Today I bought my spouse things for me to make a mini backpacking trip scrapbook. He was really excited about it when I told him about it and said it was a really good idea.
Today's Dare -
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today"
Today I bought my spouse things for me to make a mini backpacking trip scrapbook. He was really excited about it when I told him about it and said it was a really good idea.
Day Two
Day Two - Love is Kind
Today's Dare -
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness
Today I woke Jake up gently by talking to him and rubbing his arm instead of him having to wake up to a blaring alarm because he was feeling sick. He seemed to really appreciate this and told me that it was thoughtful. At the end of the day I agreed to postpone our trip to the fish store to get supplies because he said he was feeling too tired to go. I wanted to argue with him saying that it would only take 5 minutes and that I could just run in myself. But I said "sure that's ok!" instead. I think he appreciated this as well. Sometimes I tend to be argumentative so I think it was nice for him to have me just go along with what he wanted
Today's Dare -
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness
Today I woke Jake up gently by talking to him and rubbing his arm instead of him having to wake up to a blaring alarm because he was feeling sick. He seemed to really appreciate this and told me that it was thoughtful. At the end of the day I agreed to postpone our trip to the fish store to get supplies because he said he was feeling too tired to go. I wanted to argue with him saying that it would only take 5 minutes and that I could just run in myself. But I said "sure that's ok!" instead. I think he appreciated this as well. Sometimes I tend to be argumentative so I think it was nice for him to have me just go along with what he wanted
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Day One
Day 1 - "Love is Patient"
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. - Ephesians 4:2 NIV
"Love works. It's life's most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a life long thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it.
Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. And that's where your dare will begin. With Patience." - The Love Dare
Notes for this day - Love will inspire you to be a patient person. When you are patient you are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm. No one likes to be around an impatient person. It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways. More than biting your lip, more than slapping your hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. Its a choice to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you. Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. Few of us do patience well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationship.
Today's Dare- "The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."
-did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?
The day is not over, but nothing has happened today to make me want to be impatient with my spouse :) I will update later...
Well tonight we got into an "upset" conversation about one of my friends who is a guy. My spouse said some things that were mean and was not really fighting fair. He was not listening and just going on about this guy that he refuses to even try to get to know. However, I decided to just let him get it all out, to be quiet and let him speak. This was hard for me because I know that he is being silly about this whole thing and the things that he is saying are not true. After he finished going on about it I was still just being quiet so then about ten minutes later I asked him for some help on filling out some papers to go see my doctor. After he helped me with that and I could see that he was calmer I asked him if we could finish our conversation and finally resolve it. And it actually happened. We talked through it much nicer the second time around and we came to an agreement. I had to keep reminding myself to be patient as we were talking. But in the end I think it worked out.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. - Ephesians 4:2 NIV
"Love works. It's life's most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a life long thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it.
Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. And that's where your dare will begin. With Patience." - The Love Dare
Notes for this day - Love will inspire you to be a patient person. When you are patient you are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm. No one likes to be around an impatient person. It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways. More than biting your lip, more than slapping your hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. Its a choice to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you. Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. Few of us do patience well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationship.
Today's Dare- "The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."
-did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?
The day is not over, but nothing has happened today to make me want to be impatient with my spouse :) I will update later...
Well tonight we got into an "upset" conversation about one of my friends who is a guy. My spouse said some things that were mean and was not really fighting fair. He was not listening and just going on about this guy that he refuses to even try to get to know. However, I decided to just let him get it all out, to be quiet and let him speak. This was hard for me because I know that he is being silly about this whole thing and the things that he is saying are not true. After he finished going on about it I was still just being quiet so then about ten minutes later I asked him for some help on filling out some papers to go see my doctor. After he helped me with that and I could see that he was calmer I asked him if we could finish our conversation and finally resolve it. And it actually happened. We talked through it much nicer the second time around and we came to an agreement. I had to keep reminding myself to be patient as we were talking. But in the end I think it worked out.
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